Spoiled Eggs

I've been reading this blog, she's funny. She's real. She knows how I feel. I have spoiled eggs.

We have struggled with infertility since Tanner was born. He was a miracle baby. We are so blessed to have him. {we know this}. She said something yesterday that was VERY profound. It really has helped change the way I feel about infertility and about life in general. This is part of her post from yesterday: {it can apply to any HARD thing in your life}

Did you know that I go to church every Sunday? Yesterday I heard something that motivated me to be a better person this week, especially in regards to my infertility. The woman who was talking said that she lost her first baby to miscarriage and her second baby was still born a few weeks ago. Then she said this:

"I find myself saying 'it's not fair' so often, and then one day I realized that the biggest blessing in our lives is that it's not fair. If it were all fair, we would have had to have suffered in the garden and on the cross just like Jesus did so that He could say that it's fair. But since we didn't have to suffer, it really isn't fair, and that's a miracle."

It totally gave me a new perspective on my infertility. At least for today. How many times I've said "it's not fair" to my husband is beyond me. Each time somebody announces a pregnancy. Each time somebody announces a second, or a third pregnancy. Each time somebody gets pregnant accidentally. I always seem to echo that same phrase. But now I realized that it isn't fair. Nothing's fair. And if it were I would have suffered far worse pain. What a miracle that this life doesn't play by the rules that says everything has to be fair. Infertility is awful. And though some would argue, I think there are worse things. And if life were fair then everybody would be infertile, and we'd all have bigger things to deal with.

So this week, I'm going to try to refrain from using that phrase in a negative way. This week I'm going to try to say,

"It's not fair and I'm so glad".

I too am SO glad it's not fair. I don't want it to be fair! I am at a much better place with my infertility. I am ok. I am at peace with whatever happens in our family. If we never have another baby, it's ok. I can mourn. I can be sad. But, it's ok. It's God's plan.

I have also learned that I CAN DO HARD THINGS. I have lived for 11 years with infertility. I have cried. I have begged and pleaded. I have prayed. and prayed. and prayed. AND it's ok. I CAN do hard things.

It's NOT fair, and that's ok because I don't want it to be fair. I have learned that I CAN do hard things.