Monday morning I woke up at exactly 6am my time, which would have been 5am Utah time, the exact time that mamma died one year ago. When I woke up, I was instantly sad, I felt depressed, upset, and missed mamma so much. There was a part of me that wanted to just roll over and cry. I wanted to stay in my bed and feel sad and miss her and feel all of the grief that I felt a year ago. And then, I remembered that I had a plan to CELEBRATE my mom! I had worked really hard and felt very inspired to plan an entire day of service and love to celebrate my mamma. So, I got up. I got ready and I put a smile on my face. I was just barely ready when I got a text from a friend asking me if she could drop off something at 7am. Uhm, Yes!! My sweet friends brought me flowers, some homeless kits {part of the service project} and some treats for me! It made my day. I knew that it was going to be a good day. I got my Diet Dr. Pepper and left to get started on my day of service!!
I dropped Tanner off at school, and then I took some donuts to the Fire Department, and picked up drinks and muffins for my co-workers. While I was in line at McDonald's I paid for the lady behind me and then made a donation to the Ronald McDonald House.
I worked for a few hours and then I left early and picked up Tanner at school. I had to go to the chiropractor, so I took them donuts too. Then we went to Sonic and got drinks in mom's honor. Tanner said she would want us to go and get drinks for her! My Dirty Diet Dr. Pepper was SO good!! After Sonic, we went to Portillos and I got a chopped salad and thought of mom the whole time! While we were there the music playing on the speakers would have been something that mom would have loved. {she really did love music, must be where Tanner and I get it from!}
When we were leaving Portillos, there was a homeless man on the corner and I was so grateful I had 2 homeless kits in my car and I could give him one. After dinner we went and delivered some gifts. One thing I remember about mamma is that she has little gifts always ready. She has several cabinets full of little gift ideas. Lotions, necklaces, books, cards, anything she can find and she would always have something to take to a friend, someone who was sick, someone who was having a hard time! She was always giving someone a little gift to brighten their day. She would always send me 10+ Christmas gifts all wrapped individually. Candy, scissors, pocket knives for Tanner, just little things that I miss about her not being here.
After we delivered the gifts Tanner had to go do homework, so I took some flowers over to my boss and his wife and I made a donation to the Chicago food bank.
I then came home and was able to Facetime with my family while they went to the cemetery. We each told some stories or memories about mamma, then the kids wrote messages on teal balloons for mamma. I told them to write this one mine. "Love you more, Love, Your Favorite!" After they released the balloons we tried to sing, "We Will be Together Forever Someday", mostly we cried, and then dad gave a family prayer. It was a very special, sacred experience and I could definitely feel her there.
After I talked to my family, I went over to Jessica's for some meditation under the super moon! It was so big and so beautiful tonight.
I felt mamma with me all day. I felt like she was right with me with every act of service I performed. I felt her love, I felt her spirit with me. I felt her smiling on me and telling me that she was proud of me. I loved the meditation tonight and I knew that mamma was with me the whole time. I am so grateful for the knowledge I have of life after death. I am grateful that I feel my mamma so much. I am grateful for her love and for her example to me.
I did it!! One year with her! One whole year, 365 days {actually 366, it was leap year}. I LOVE you mamma, I miss you every minute of every day, but I am doing better than I have been in a very long time!
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