What has impacted your year? And how did it change you?

I saw this on a friends post, she only did 9 photos, 

but I couldn't narrow it down to 9, so here are my top 16....

What has impacted your year? And how did it change you?

• My sweet boy turned made the Madrigal Choir at school and turned 16 years old and started drivers ed. 
• I ran 10 miles again at the Soldier Field 10 Miler and did way better than I ever thought possible. 
• Jason and I made an effort to attend the temple more often. 
• My whole world changed on July 10th when my mom was diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer. 
• We had family pictures taken. 
• I spent most of the year with my mom, taking care of her. 
• My littlest brother went to serve a mission in the Dominican Republic. 
• My mom continued to get sicker and sicker and nothing we were doing was helping. 
• We brought mom home on hospice care for her final days on the earth. 
• My boys were able to come to Utah to say good-bye to her thanks to the tender mercies of our Heavenly Father. 
• We were able to fulfill her final dying wish and have Michael McLean come to our house and sing to her. 
• We rallied together as Team Cindy. 
• My boys were able to come back to Utah for mom's funeral. We had a celebration like I've never seen before because of the generosity of others and the tender mercies of our Heavenly Father.
• I buried my mom's physical body, one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. 
• I got to see my two best friends from high school and the miracles that have taken place in their lives. 
• I learned first hand that God places people in our lives for very specific reasons. 
• I was given the greatest gift of all, this statue represents the unconditional love of my mother and her simple testimony of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

 The most important part is how it has changed me:

• I know that it's ok that I only have one child because he needs me to be there for him and he will be gone from my influence before I know it. I will be more present in his life and listen to him tell me about his friends and his interests. 
• I know that I can do physically hard things and push my body harder than I ever thought possible. I will never quit. 
• I know that obedience brings blessings, I had no idea at the beginning of the year how much I would need to peace of the temple this year. I'm so grateful that we made an effort to go more often. I know going to the temple brings a peace that can be found nowhere else on the earth. I will go even more often. 
• I know that God is in control and that we don't get to pick the trials that we are asked to bear. Cancer Sucks. I know that we do not have any idea what someone is going through and how hard it really is until we have gone through it or watched someone firsthand go through it. I will be more compassionate and have more empathy for those around me. I will give more and listen to the promptings I receive to reach out to those around me. 
• There is nobody else in the world like your mother. I can not replace her and I can't bring her back, but I will live each day to make her proud of me. I will reach out to those around me, I will share the gospel through my example. 
• I will listen to the promptings of the Holy Ghost. I know that I was prompted to go to Utah to take these family pictures before Skylar left and I would have regretted it everyday for the rest of my life it I had not listened. I will always listen. 
• I watched my littlest brother, who is only 18, make the hardest decision of his life and leave his mother to serve the Lord as a full time missionary. He knew that there was a chance he would never see her again on this earth and he had enough faith and courage to answer the call to serve. I will be more obedient, have more faith and courage to do the things that the Lord asks me to do. I will always remember his example to me.
• There is always a reason for why things don't work out the way we want them to. I know it wasn't because of a lack of faith on our part that she was taken from us. I think it takes even more faith to not be healed. I have reached deep within my soul and know without any doubt that the plan of salvation is real and that we will be together forever someday. My testimony of the plan of salvation has been strengthened. I will share it with others.
• We were blessed to have been given so much time to spend together these past 6 months. I will always remember the tender mercies that Heavenly Father provided that allowed me to be able to be in Utah, Jason to be able to take care of things here at home and my family to be able to rally together. He truly is a God of miracles. He provides angels among us who bless us temporally and spiritually. I will pay it forward. I will do what I can to help those in need.
• I know that God answers prayers even for the smallest, maybe even silliest things because he is in the details of our lives. I know that he put the right people in our lives to be able to contact Michael McLean and I know that Michael was guided and inspired to come fulfill mom's last wish. I will pray and ask Heavenly Father for the desires of my heart and trust that he will grant them, if it be HIS will. 
• I know that my family is united. I know that no matter what our trials or hardships, we will be there for each other. I know that we don't always get along, but it's ok. We know that we love each other and when hard times come, we will be there for each other, NO MATTER WHAT! I will cherish that always. Team Cindy Forever!
• Once again, God provided tender mercies for so many people to be at the funeral and celebrate the life of my sweet mother. We were given so many blessings that in the details of her celebration because our Heavenly Father knew they were important to us. I will trust that He has a plan, that he knows the way and that He will bless us with all that our hearts desire if we will come to Him. I also know that doesn't mean we will always get everything we want, I wanted mom to be cured, but that was not meant to be. I will still trust Him and His plan.
• I know that God carried me during the days of mom's funeral and burial. I know that I couldn't have done it without Him. I will put my faith in Him and trust that He will be there for me during the hardest times of my life.
• I know that God gave me my friends {all of them} for very specific reasons. I know that all of them have been placed in my life to help me. I am grateful that we have so many relationships on this earth that will also transcend death and that we will be able to be with those we love, who are not "family" on the other side of the veil. 
• When this sweet nurse ran up to me and hugged me that day at the hospital, I knew that she just "got it". I knew that somehow she knew. And then she told me that her mother had died from Ovarian Cancer 5 years ago, and I knew that God had given her to us at this very specific time because she really did "get it". She knew, and because of that I knew that God knew. I knew that He knew me and he knew mom. She loved her nurses and they were all such a tender mercy for her during her time of greatest need. I will always be grateful for the amazing strength and love they had for my mother.

Most importantly, I was changed this year by my sweet angel mother and her simple, yet profound testimony of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. She simply lived it. She didn't shout it from the rooftops, she didn't scold us too much when we were dis-obedient, she didn't withdraw her love from us when we disappointed her. {and we all did!} She didn't preach to us or force us. She simply lived it, every minute of every day. She loved unconditionally. She accepted us no matter what. YES, we disappointed her. YES, we disobeyed. YES, we made mistakes and made her upset. But it never changed the way she loved us.

The most important lesson I learned this year is that none of us have any idea how long we will be on this earth. None of us know when our time will come. None of us can plan on changing later because we might not have time. When we are disobedient and don't follow our Heavenly Father, we are the ones who miss out on the blessings and the happiness we could have had. He loves us no matter what. He will forgive us no matter what. We are the ones who suffer because of our poor choices. I know that mom knew this without any doubt.

Because of her, I will LOVE more, I will accept more, I will judge less, I will force less. I will simply live the Gospel and one day hope to be half as amazing and wonderful as she is! I love you mamma. I miss you every single minute of every day. I wish you were here so that I could tell you how much you mean to me. I know that you already know, but I want to tell you and hear your voice again. I want you to tell me that you "love me more", I want you to hold my hand and tell me that it's all going to be ok. I want you to share your sweet testimony with me one more time. I want you to call me and I want to be able to hug you one more time.

But then again, one more time would never be enough. I miss you like crazy! I love you more!!