The viewing and Funeral

Thursday, November 19th was Mom's viewing. That morning all the girls went to the Walker Sanderson Mortuary to dress mom's body. I wasn't sure how I felt about this. I really wanted to do it and I had been told that it was a very spiritual experience, so I really wanted to have the chance to do it, but I was scared because her body looked so bad that day they had come to take it away.  I wasn't sure what she was going to look like and if I was going to be able to dressing her body. I wanted support so I invited all the girls to go with me. I'm so grateful that I had all of their support. When we got to the mortuary he just took us right into the room and said, she's right here. We weren't really prepared, and it was really hard. He left us in the room to have a few minutes to collect ourselves and have a prayer together. When we finally all had a chance to look at her body, we all just thought she looked SO beautiful. It was really an amazing, spiritual experience. The veil was very thin and I know she was there with us. She looked so peaceful and happy. Her physical body was so worn out and tired, but I was so happy that she looked so beautiful. It was such a beautiful and sacred experience. If you ever have the option to do it, I would highly recommend it.

Georgia, Jennifer, Liberty, Amber, Heather and Christie

After we dressed her we painted her nails a beautiful pink color. She really did look amazing. Then we started setting up the displays and getting everything ready for the viewing. It turned out great!! Everything was beautiful, the casket was perfect, the flowers were AMAZING, the displays turned out great, the DVD worked perfect. It was a great night, well except we were at our mother's viewing.

Awe, the casket flowers. Thank you so much to an amazing friend who made the casket flowers. Amber and I both LOVED them, and we're grateful that dad went along with us even when they were a lot more than he wanted to spend. It was important for us to celebrate our mother and this was one way we could show her how much we card.

It was a long night, there was a pretty steady line all night long. We saw lots of people we haven't seen for many years. There were so many people who loved mom and wanted to come and see us. It was exhausting, but we all held it together pretty well and we were even able to keep dad from talking too long and kept the line moving pretty well.

The next morning we all got to the church and got everything set up for the viewing at the church and the funeral. I asked a photographer friend to come and take pictures and I am SO glad that I did. He was so gracious and generous. He didn't charge me and he came for 3 hours and took pictures of the viewing, the casket and the displays at the church.  Here are just a few, I have hundreds more, but I'm going to keep them for our family.

I also have a couple pictures that Robert took that I LOVE!! We had each just told her our last good-bye, we were getting ready to close the casket and we had a moment for a family hug. I am so grateful for pictures to remember these memories, even though they are hard to look at sometimes, I LOVE having them.

As I was putting the veil over her face, my heart was breaking. This was the last time I would ever see her body on earth. It was very hard, but I am so grateful for all the tender moments I had to give these final gifts to my mother's earthly body.

I thought the next part was pure torture. They closed the casket and then they ask the family to follow right behind the casket as they take it into the chapel. It was SO hard. We were all crying and everyone was watching us. It was just heartbreaking to be walking into my mother's funeral. I didn't know how I was going to get through the next part of the program. I was giving the life sketch and was going to try to sing "Together Forever Someday" for mamma. I had Jason give me a blessing the night before and I felt strengthened by my mamma the entire time.

The funeral was LONG. Almost 2 hours. But it was a wonderful tribute. I truly felt mom was there holding me up. I didn't break down once during her life sketch or the singing. I had everyone link arms and we sang "Together Forever" for mamma. I felt like I had done everything she would have ever wanted me to do to honor her. If you want to read the entire life sketch, you can download it HERE.

We were able to have Skylar watch via webcast and then he was able to share his testimony over the phone with us. He continues to amaze me at his strength and testimony of the gospel. Brett read Skylar's testimony that he had previously emailed to us, Ryan and Jeff both spoke and dad bore his testimony. It was an amazing service. Mom would have been so proud of us.

After the service, we went out the side door to the waiting hearse. It was very surreal to be at my own mother's funeral. To be a part of the immediate family and to be so consumed with the funeral and the details and the family that I really didn't even see who was at the service, who came to see mom and who came to the cemetery. I know it was a full house and I know that a lot of people came to see her, but I missed being able to hug them and say hello.

We all loaded in the cars and went to the Orem City Cemetery. It was a cool day, the wind was blowing and it was a little chilly {but nothing compared to my grandpa's funeral, that day was FREEZING!}.

Ryan, Brett, Amber, Dad, Liberty, Jeff and Scott - we love you Sky, but we are so proud of you and your amazing faith!

We had teal balloons for each of the kids and grandkids to write a message to grandma and let them go. We also gave them each flowers to put on the casket. It was so cute watching them. I know most of them are too little to really understand what is happening, but it was so cute to watch their sweet spirits. I'm so glad we took the time to do this tribute. We love you mamma!!!

After the balloon release, there really wasn't anything left to do, but none of us wanted to leave. I went and knelt down by the casket and I completely lost it. I had held it together for so long, and I just couldn't keep it together any longer. I can't even imagine how I am going to move on without my mamma. My heart was broken, my spirit couldn't handle any more. My life was forever changed and I couldn't even begin to think that I could walk away and go home to Chicago without my mamma. I literally fell to the ground and wept, big gulping tears of sorrow. I have never felt such emotional pain in all of my life. There was a moment there that I wasn't sure I was going to be able to get back up off the ground, thankfully my sweet Jason and Tanner came and helped pick me up off the ground. This really was my Friday, my Gethsemane . My heart was shattered. I wasn't sure how I was going to move forward. But, I knew that God needed me to have faith and move forward. I knew that my sweet boy needed me, I knew that my dad needed me. I knew that my siblings needed me. I knew that God would be with me and that I did not have to walk through this trial alone.

I finally picked myself up off the ground. I threw my arms around my boys and wept. I was so overcome with pain and sorrow. I sobbed, and sobbed. I just didn't know how I was ever going to move forward without my sweet mamma. But eventually the sobbing slowed down, eventually my heart was wrapped in love, eventually I was comforted by my Savior and eventually I was able to settle down and move forward for a few minutes. Finally I was able to walk away from the graveside. I knew it would be the last time I would ever see the casket, the next time I came here, her body would be buried in the ground. I don't think I had ever felt this kind of sorrow. I'm so grateful to know that my Savior knew how I was feeling and that He was there for me.