Showing posts with label New Chapter. Show all posts
Showing posts with label New Chapter. Show all posts
Monday, January 2, 2017
Friday, August 5, 2016
My New Place
I decided to take some good pictures with my good camera now that I'm mostly done decorating my new house. I am so overwhelmed with gratitude for everyone who helped me get moved into my new place, gave me furniture, helped me unpack, helped me decorate and made me feel so loved. I am loving my new place and am so grateful for the blessings I have received!
Sunday, July 17, 2016
A New Chapter
And now, we start a new chapter in both of our lives. A new normal. A new schedule. New issues. Visitation and scheduling time to see Tanner. It's strange and surreal, but I still know we made the right decision.
Wednesday morning we went to court. I was running late and then got stuck in traffic and I was freaking out by the time I got to the courthouse. (Jason was already there and I had talked to him that morning and told him I was on my way.) I had to park, run to the courthouse, get through security, run to the room and then after all my freaking out and panic, we sat and waited and waited for the judge to come in the room. I started crying as soon as we sat down in the courtroom. I knew I needed to pull it together before the judge came in, and I took a few deep breaths and tried to settle down.
The judge came in and they called another divorce case before us. I was so grateful that we would have a chance to see someone else stand up in front of the judge first. Then it was our turn. We stood in front of the judge, answered the questions, and dissolved our 20 year marriage with one signature. It was very strange. I was very calm and peaceful and felt so much strength in the courtroom.
We had to wait for an hour or so to get our paperwork, so Jason and I went to get something to eat at the cafeteria. {I know it's strange that we went and ate together, but we really are friends and we get along better now than we have in several years}. Jason grabbed a diet coke out of the cooler and handed it to me, this label was facing right at me and I KNEW in that instant that my mamma was there with me. {I had been praying that I would feel her}.
I was overcome with emotion and started crying. I knew that I had made the right choice. I knew that I was doing what was best for me. I knew that I would find peace and joy and that even though it's hard to be alone and it's hard to think about the future alone, I know that God is aware of me. He knows my struggles, my trials, my heart, my disappointment, my fear, my feelings of failure. He knows and He will not leave me to struggle alone.
We ate breakfast and then went and waited for the clerk to have our paperwork ready. It is so strange how quick, easy and emotionless it was to file for a divorce. It's crazy that after 20 years of marriage, we are not married anymore. It's a very strange feeling. I haven't even gotten to the point that I can call him my ex-husband yet. We left and went our separate ways, we both had to go to work. I left the courthouse, but realized after a few minutes that I didn't get a picture, so I turned around and went back to take a picture of the courthouse.
So, on to the new life. Single. No longer married to Jason. But always a part of his life. I am so grateful for all of the love and support we have felt for each other. We have been able to agree on everything and make it all work out the best way for Tanner. He is the most important and we are both working really hard to make sure he knows that we both love him no matter what.
I am so grateful for all of my friends who have been so generous and supportive and helped me get moved into my new house and get unpacked and get it all set up. I LOVE it! It's adorable and more than I could have ever imagined when I thought about moving out. I have been so incredibly blessed to be able to figure out everything I needed to have and have so much support.
I feel like I have been so blessed and protected. I feel like God has opened up the windows of heaven and poured blessings down on me. I feel so fortunate that even though the outcome wasn't what either of us would have planned, we are both so much happier and better off now.
Yesterday I went to the temple. I thought that I would cry and be upset the entire time, but once again God was there with me. I happened to sit right next to an older lady who lives in our stake. She has been divorced. She is now remarried and in a much better situation. I just kept thinking about her the entire time. I kept feeling so much peace and love. I know that God has a plan for me, that I will have a marvelous future and that I will find love and joy once again. I felt such love and comfort in the temple yesterday. I was surprised how calm I felt. I didn't even cry. I love the blessings of the temple and the peace and joy it brings to my life.
It's been an emotional, crazy week, but I am confident that God is with me. I know that mamma is watching over me and I know that I made the right choice. As hard as this week as been, and as hard as it is to move forward, I know that I will find joy and peace as I continue to follow the commandments and keep my covenants.
Wednesday morning we went to court. I was running late and then got stuck in traffic and I was freaking out by the time I got to the courthouse. (Jason was already there and I had talked to him that morning and told him I was on my way.) I had to park, run to the courthouse, get through security, run to the room and then after all my freaking out and panic, we sat and waited and waited for the judge to come in the room. I started crying as soon as we sat down in the courtroom. I knew I needed to pull it together before the judge came in, and I took a few deep breaths and tried to settle down.
The judge came in and they called another divorce case before us. I was so grateful that we would have a chance to see someone else stand up in front of the judge first. Then it was our turn. We stood in front of the judge, answered the questions, and dissolved our 20 year marriage with one signature. It was very strange. I was very calm and peaceful and felt so much strength in the courtroom.
We had to wait for an hour or so to get our paperwork, so Jason and I went to get something to eat at the cafeteria. {I know it's strange that we went and ate together, but we really are friends and we get along better now than we have in several years}. Jason grabbed a diet coke out of the cooler and handed it to me, this label was facing right at me and I KNEW in that instant that my mamma was there with me. {I had been praying that I would feel her}.
I was overcome with emotion and started crying. I knew that I had made the right choice. I knew that I was doing what was best for me. I knew that I would find peace and joy and that even though it's hard to be alone and it's hard to think about the future alone, I know that God is aware of me. He knows my struggles, my trials, my heart, my disappointment, my fear, my feelings of failure. He knows and He will not leave me to struggle alone.
We ate breakfast and then went and waited for the clerk to have our paperwork ready. It is so strange how quick, easy and emotionless it was to file for a divorce. It's crazy that after 20 years of marriage, we are not married anymore. It's a very strange feeling. I haven't even gotten to the point that I can call him my ex-husband yet. We left and went our separate ways, we both had to go to work. I left the courthouse, but realized after a few minutes that I didn't get a picture, so I turned around and went back to take a picture of the courthouse.
So, on to the new life. Single. No longer married to Jason. But always a part of his life. I am so grateful for all of the love and support we have felt for each other. We have been able to agree on everything and make it all work out the best way for Tanner. He is the most important and we are both working really hard to make sure he knows that we both love him no matter what.
I am so grateful for all of my friends who have been so generous and supportive and helped me get moved into my new house and get unpacked and get it all set up. I LOVE it! It's adorable and more than I could have ever imagined when I thought about moving out. I have been so incredibly blessed to be able to figure out everything I needed to have and have so much support.
I feel like I have been so blessed and protected. I feel like God has opened up the windows of heaven and poured blessings down on me. I feel so fortunate that even though the outcome wasn't what either of us would have planned, we are both so much happier and better off now.
Yesterday I went to the temple. I thought that I would cry and be upset the entire time, but once again God was there with me. I happened to sit right next to an older lady who lives in our stake. She has been divorced. She is now remarried and in a much better situation. I just kept thinking about her the entire time. I kept feeling so much peace and love. I know that God has a plan for me, that I will have a marvelous future and that I will find love and joy once again. I felt such love and comfort in the temple yesterday. I was surprised how calm I felt. I didn't even cry. I love the blessings of the temple and the peace and joy it brings to my life.
It's been an emotional, crazy week, but I am confident that God is with me. I know that mamma is watching over me and I know that I made the right choice. As hard as this week as been, and as hard as it is to move forward, I know that I will find joy and peace as I continue to follow the commandments and keep my covenants.
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